At the End of My Ropes!

Life is hard. Lately I've really been struggling with the thought of having to grow up, of having to become an adult. I should be really excited about it all, but I'm not. I'm really stressed out lately. I still do not have a job nor any possibilities of getting one any time soon & that's been really stressful on me to say the least! I spend hours every week looking online for jobs & then even more hours applying for them & faxing my resume & still not even one company has called me for an interview! I'm not willingly to work just anywhere, I want to use my degree. I spent 4 & a half years at Western so I could have an education that would get me in the door & allow me to have opportunities that I wouldn't have without a degree. I'm beginning to think my degree is useless & nothing but a piece of paper! Things have not been going as planned! I feel stuck & I am! I don't have enough money to move anywhere so I'm stuck living at home with my parents & I have to find a job in Raleigh for that reason & because I don't have my own car! It wouldn't be so bad if I had a degree in math or science because then I would probably already have a job! Gosh it's just so dang frustrating! Oh, what also makes things worse, I have hardly any job experience because my parents never allowed me to work while I was in college! Oh & my cell phone is being turned off tomorrow because our contract is up & my mom refuses to renew it & since I have no job, I can't afford to renew it myself! So, no phone, no car, & no long-term employment experience, pretty much means I'm screwed!

This Easter

"I Am Nothing" by Jeremy Camp

I’m always in this place,
Where the things I seem to take,
Are the things I wish would fade
I always purpose in my heart,
To do things the right way,
Then I realize I’m still clay
And this piece that’s being shaped,
Will be a beauty you create

[CHORUS]
I am nothing without your love
I’m unworthy but your death has been enough
I’m completed by your touch,
But I feel like I’ve been given so much and I thank you,
I thank you

I wouldn’t even face,
All the troubles of the day,
If it wasn’t for your grace
Sometimes I even wait,
To see if I’m awake,
Seems so good I can’t relate
Tour every word I crave,
And I’m grateful for every breath I take
When I’m feeling all my shame,
You won’t let it stay,
I sail away into your love
I’m taking every day,
To give my life away,
It’s the only way I know

Good-bye Western

It's been a few months since I graduated & it still has not sunk in that I've graduated! I don't feel like I really said good-bye to anyone, I just kinda told myself that I'd see them later so there was no need to say good-bye, when in actuality, I may never see some of those people again. So I want to tell them now what I should have told them then.

To Katie Gibson, you were my best friend, my roomie, my sister, & my classmate! You helped me get through some really tough times in my life. You prayed for me when I saw no hope in sight. We spent hours upon hours together & I never got tired of you, that's a miracle in itself! For all the times you made me laugh & all the times you consoled me when I cried, thank you.
To Karlie Briggs, who woulda thought we'd end up being friends?! What started out as just classmates turned into a close friendship. You make me laugh! I will never forget how we discovered that we had a mutual friend, a connection that proves just how small of a world we live in! You helped me get through a really difficult & weird time in my life. Thank you for letting me be real & honest with you about my struggles & for understanding them & not judging me for them, you are amazing! You really should have a career in social work!
To Abby Palmer, you were my bestest buddy my last year at Western! Oh my gosh, how did we ever get through all those papers, projects, & presentations?!!! I will never forget the summer of 2007 & our special talks! We were both going through some major heartbreaks & we were so negative about love! hahaha! Look at us now! Thank you for giving me my sanity during those last 2 semesters! Your constant prayers & encouraging words helped me make it to graduation day! From now on until we're sixty, I'll call you whenever I need my therapist!!!
To Bethany Parsons, you are so sweet & absolutely hilarious! I have seen you grow so much in your walk with God that I feel like I'm gonna cry everytime I see you! I met you during the fall of 2005 during pledging & I never thought our friendship would be what it is today. You are so patient, so kind, & so loving...I pretty much want you in my life forever! Thank you for all the hugs & all the laughs! One day we'll live together like we've always wanted, even if it's in a nursing home! Oh & I really hope you have all the sisters in your wedding!
To Kimberly Roten, we met randomly! You always managed to talk some sense into me! Your country accent & laid back attitude kept me fascinated! I enjoyed the hours we spent in Hunter Library in the Fall of 2005, Spring 2006, studying the fun way! I will forever cherish all the laughs & talks we had during our lunch dates, study dates, & sleepovers!

Our First Vacation

So it's been a few days since we got back from Myrtle Beach & I'm still trying to catch up on sleep! Our vacation was not what we thought it was going to be. We wanted to relax on the beach & by the pool & go out to dinner some & sleep as late as we wanted. Well we did get to spend a good bit of time at the pool & in the jacuzzi, but everything else was not how we imagined it to be. We discovered on Monday night that we had some inconsiderate neighbors right above us. They were listening to some really loud rap music, wrestling people to the ground, & playing beer pong. The walls & floor of our room were so thin that we could hear their conversations & the ping pong ball hit the floor. We called down to the hotel's office & told them what was going on upstairs & we even stated that we no longer felt safe & would have to leave the hotel if this continued. The hotel sent 2 maintenance men up there to tell them to keep it down, but thirty minutes later they were still loud & keeping us awake so we called the police. Three nights in a row our sleep was interrupted by their spring break, week-long party. The funny part is we think they were NC State students because we saw people walking around the hotel during the day with State shirts on. Despite our few hours of sleep every night, we had enough energy to explore Myrtle Beach & do the things we set out to do that week. I think our favorite day would have to be either Sunday or Thursday. On Sunday we got up, took showers, walked on the beach collecting shells, & I can't remember what else we did that day, but it was a laid back day. On Thursday we got up at 6:15 & walked out on the beach to see the sun rise, then we went back to sleep, got up around 9, took showers, played 3 rounds of putt putt, walked on the beach, ate dinner at this awesome place called Sticky Fingers, went swimming, & watched some TV. Though our first vacation together was not perfect & was not everything we set out for it to be, we had a really great time! We both feel extremely close to one another & feel like our relationship is the best it's ever been because of the trip!