The transition from life at Western to life in Raleigh has been tremendously hard to say the least! When I thought about graduating & moving back home I imagined getting close to my family again, making my relationship with Nick stronger, working 5 days a week & loving it, and finally making the church I grew up in, home again. None of these things have happened, actually when I'm really honest with myself & with you, all of these things have gotten worse. My life these days includes arguements & fights with Nick, getting annoyed & frustrated with my mom, not working or even getting a call back from sending in my resume, and feeling alone & a stranger at church, the only church I've ever known.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all of it is way out of my hands, like there's nothing I myself can do to fix any of it! Sometimes I wonder if I should look for a job outside of North Carolina so that way I could be just me & not worry about anyone else saying I'm a bother. Not even going that extreme, I think about looking for a new church in Raleigh. I also wonder if I should look at going to grad school at USC instead of trying to stay close by. I feel like it doesn't matter anymore if I stay in Raleigh or not because what I was staying for isn't what I thought it was going to be.
I've always been scared of change, but this change, starting a new chapter of my life (as most graduation cards put it) I wasn't scared of & maybe I should have been. If I'm really honest with myself, graduation day wasn't all I thought it was going to be, it felt like just another day to me, but with flowers. At the time, I was only happy because graduation meant no longer having to be 5 hours away from the ones I love.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all of it is way out of my hands, like there's nothing I myself can do to fix any of it! Sometimes I wonder if I should look for a job outside of North Carolina so that way I could be just me & not worry about anyone else saying I'm a bother. Not even going that extreme, I think about looking for a new church in Raleigh. I also wonder if I should look at going to grad school at USC instead of trying to stay close by. I feel like it doesn't matter anymore if I stay in Raleigh or not because what I was staying for isn't what I thought it was going to be.
I've always been scared of change, but this change, starting a new chapter of my life (as most graduation cards put it) I wasn't scared of & maybe I should have been. If I'm really honest with myself, graduation day wasn't all I thought it was going to be, it felt like just another day to me, but with flowers. At the time, I was only happy because graduation meant no longer having to be 5 hours away from the ones I love.
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