When You Don't Know What Else to Do

Have you ever had a whole bunch of thoughts that you didn't feel like you could share with anyone, not even your mom or your best friend? And for whatever reason or reasons you just felt like no one would understand what you're going through or that they wouldn't keep your thoughts on whatever it was in confidence. Well if you haven't ever gone through this then consider yourself lucky because I have been struggling with this a lot lately.

I have about 6 people that I consider to be my best friends & don't get me wrong, they are amazing, they are trustworthy, kind, truthful, good listerners, and tons of other things that make them surpass all the other people in my life! With all that said, in the past 6 months or so, I've seen myself slowly transform into a different person, someone I don't know. I hate what I've become! It's hard to trace back where it all began & why it has taken me so long to realize just how much I've compromised on things I considered uncompromiseable! While some out of the 6 best friends that I have, noticed that some things were different about me they couldn't put their finger on what or why. It's really hard for me sometimes to turn to those that are closest to me for help or advice because I've grown to become independent & I sometimes feel like I'm burdening someone by talking to them about my problems. It may sound strange, but I strongly believe that the reason why I've been feeling like I can't talk to anyone about what I've been going through the last 6 months & the battles I'm facing everyday is because I needed to stop argeeing with what everyone else was telling me I was doing wrong & instead, form my own opinions about the situation. I also have seen that by not going to other people, I have started to take on more responsibility for my actions. It's like when you do something wrong as a kid, like punch your brother in the face & your mom tells you to appologize so you do, but you only do it because she told you to & you wanna move on with life, but you don't mean it....it's like that. I have gone to my best friends about things, knowing that I can trust them to keep what I tell them in confidence & knowing that they have my best interest in my mind when they give me advice, but I can't just do what they say or feel what they tell me to, that wouldn't be right.

Needless to say, it's been nice not having anyone to turn to for comfort or advice because through the help of God, it has made me realize so much about myself & has in a sense forced me to turn to God for comfort & advice. I have asked Him how I should feel about things rather than asking my friends, because while I love my friends like crazy, their opinion is ultimately not what matters most to me.