THE BEACH!!!

With less than 48 hours until I leave with Nick for Myrtle Beach, I can hardly contain my excitement!!! We are spending 6 days & 5 nights in wonderful, sunny Myrtle Beach! I have not been to the beach since...gosh since....the summer of 2004!!! We have talked a little bit about what we plan on doing down there, but no real plans have been made yet. Oh we do know that 1 morning we're going to get up real early & watch the sunrise on the beach!! We're also going to have a picnic lunch on the beach & toss a frisbee around! There's an indoor pool & jacuzzi so we're sure to spend sometime enjoying that too! I can't help but find humor in the fact that Nick & I are huge planners, we can't function any other way, but when it comes to going on vacation, we both insist on not having a plan! The point of our 6 day trip is to relax & enjoy spending time together, not to see all the sights or spend tons of money shopping! I've been looking forward to this trip for about a month now & now that it's almost here, I can hardly believe it! I will definitely report back on how the trip went.

I got the kind of guy I wanted!

I was looking over my old blog postings & realized that everything on the list of "this kind of guy," Nick has, he is that guy! Nick walks me to my car, he believes in my dreams, he holds me when I'm sad, he frequently gives me his jacket when I'm cold, he loves cuddling, he tells me his secrets, and he holds my hand whenever I want.

How God brought Nick & I together is very simple, but interknit & amazing at the same time! I was 1 of those girls who always had a crush on a guy & was always chasing after them until March of 2007 when God made some changes in me! That February I made a horrible decision to restore an old friendship, that decision led to me down a road of darkness, shame, & depression. I was seeking comfort & "love" from the wrong kind of guy. This guy did not respect me & did not care about me, but I still wanted to be around him because I felt safe, I was protected from any harm. In March God brought me to a point where I was fed up with this guy & with myself so I decided that I deserved better, a better guy, so I made a list of everything I wanted my husband to have. I realized that I had given my heart away too muh & too easily to the wrong guys so I made a ommittment with God to give Him my summer. I agreed to not pursue any guys that summer & I asked God to not let me like any guys & to prepare me for my husband. During the summer God did a lot! There were nights where I stayed awake for hours battling with God, asking Him to take away any feelings, any memories, and any thoughts of guys that would not matter in my future. For the first time in my life, I started to think about my husband & not just here & there, but I thought about him everyday! God made me thankful for every guy in my past & gave me peace about every situation I had been through. Also during this time, I was hanging out with Nick. We had seen each other around church & knew a little bit about each other, but we weren't good friends. That summer we hung out quite a bit & just enjoyed each other's company as brothers & sisters in Christ. I never once looked at Nick as anything more than a friend & I didn't even analyze how he acted around me.

It wasn't until the night before I was to leave the next morning for my last semester at Western that I thought, "I'm gonna miss Nick" & I remember thinking, "I only feel that way because we spent some much time together this summer, I'll be fine." Well I spent the next day trying to figure out where I was going to live that semester & as I was driving up Black Mountain, listening to my Rascal Flatts, "Feels Like Today" CD, when it hit me like a ton of bricks, I yelled out, "CRAP I LIKE HIM!!!" We spent about a month sharing our thoughts about dating each other & about 2 weeks in prayer before we started dating on September 16th, 2007! I never once thought God would give me such an awesome love story to tell & I don't know why I ever thought that, because God is so powerful & amazing that He can turn water into wine!

Going through this experience there are so many things that I walked away being thankful for: 1) God's love for me. While I was a dead in sin, He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me so that I might live & have eternal life with Christ., 2) God restoring my heart, 3) God allowing me not to like Nick until the time was right & with that, God gave me the right intentions for wanting to spend time with Nick., and 4) God being my strength during temptations when I was at my weakest & thought there was no way out. I still remind myself of these things on a regular basis & I can never give God enough for them! I can only give God all the praise & glory for it all!

What you don't wanna hear

The transition from life at Western to life in Raleigh has been tremendously hard to say the least! When I thought about graduating & moving back home I imagined getting close to my family again, making my relationship with Nick stronger, working 5 days a week & loving it, and finally making the church I grew up in, home again. None of these things have happened, actually when I'm really honest with myself & with you, all of these things have gotten worse. My life these days includes arguements & fights with Nick, getting annoyed & frustrated with my mom, not working or even getting a call back from sending in my resume, and feeling alone & a stranger at church, the only church I've ever known.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all of it is way out of my hands, like there's nothing I myself can do to fix any of it! Sometimes I wonder if I should look for a job outside of North Carolina so that way I could be just me & not worry about anyone else saying I'm a bother. Not even going that extreme, I think about looking for a new church in Raleigh. I also wonder if I should look at going to grad school at USC instead of trying to stay close by. I feel like it doesn't matter anymore if I stay in Raleigh or not because what I was staying for isn't what I thought it was going to be.

I've always been scared of change, but this change, starting a new chapter of my life (as most graduation cards put it) I wasn't scared of & maybe I should have been. If I'm really honest with myself, graduation day wasn't all I thought it was going to be, it felt like just another day to me, but with flowers. At the time, I was only happy because graduation meant no longer having to be 5 hours away from the ones I love.

Post Graduation

Ok so I admit I'm not the best at keeping my blogs up-to-date! A whole lot has happened since my last blog in October! I finished my internship at ABCCM on December 7th. It was really hard for me to say goodbye to the residents & especially hard for me to leave my co-workers who I had spent time getting to know outside of the office. I still think about some of the residents on a daily basis. It breaks my heart to know that some of them feel so hopeless & depressed because they can't find a place that will hire them or a landlord that will accept their past or their Section 8 papers. I learned so much during my time at ABCCM! I can't even begin to list everything I took away from having work with over 29 homeless women! I would tell anyone & everyone to volunteer at a homeless shelter because you will walk away with such a grateful heart & a new perspective on life.

I graduated from Western on December 15th! It was such an unforgetable day! It was so amazing to look up in the stands & see my family waving at me, taking pitures, and smiling at me! I loved every second of my graduation! As soon as I walked off the stage & realized I had my diploma in my hand, I thought, "man it was all worth it! this moment means everything!" After the ceremony & all the pictures & all the celebrations, my parents, Nick, & I stayed the night at a hotel in Maggie Valley. I would have to say that that night was my favorite thing out of everything from graduation weekend! I can't really explain why except to say that it was a laid back, quiet, & intimate night since it was just the 4 of us! The next morning when we woke up in Maggie Valley, it was snowing outside! Having Nick there during my whole graduation weekend & being there the day after graduation, miles away from home, I realize that the rest of my life had started! I cannot explain the peace & calming feeling I had that morning, I can just tell you that Nick is who I will have in my life for every new journey I go on!

Since graduation I have come home & moved back in with my parents. I have been busy hanging out with Nick & applying for jobs! I have been a litte discouraged by the amount of social work jobs hiring in Raleigh. I plan on working full-time until I go to grad school in August of 2009! I'm not too worried about my future & what jobs I'll have because I know that God knows exactly what He's doing with my life & it's gonna be awesome when it all pieces together!

my life these days

So my last semester at Western is definitely not what I want it to be. All social work majors have to complete 448 hours of interning at an agency of their choice during their last semester in order to graduate. Well I put in about 29 to 32 hours a week of interning in Asheville & it is taking a toll on me - physically & mentally. Don't get me wrong, I love working at ABCCM - the residents are great & I have a real passion for helping them achieve their goals & I even love all my co-workers - we get along great & we're friends outside of the office, but I am tired! Since I comute 45 minutes to & from work 4 days a week & then work 7-9 hours a day, I feel like I never get any time to myself or spend any time with my friends at school. Thankfully I do have some sort of life because I have my incredible boyfriend! Nick & I have been dating since September 16th & so far, it has been so amazing! I feel extremely blessed to have a boyfriend that is so on fire for God that he serves other people all the time, prays for me all the time, respects me all the time, and knows how to show love & does it! Nick is coming up to Western tomorrow for the weekend & I am so excited & eager with anticipation! We always have a great time together & every moment is unforgettable! I know that this weekend will be a great time for me to breathe from having a busy week & just for once do what I wanna do!

A Beautiful Song!

"No One Like You" by David Crowder Band

You are more beautiful
Than anyone ever
Everyday You're the same
You never change, no never

And how could I ever deny
The love of my Savior
You are to me everything
All I need forever

How could You be so good to me?

There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You

Everywhere You are there
Earth or air surrounding
I'm not alone, the heavens sing along
My God You're so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that'

You, You, You, You, You, You

How could You be so good to me?
How could You be so good to me?
We're not alone, so sing along
We're not alone, so sing along, sing along, sing along

There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There his no one like our God, yeah

my God blessed me

"Wait for the man who pursues you, the kind of man who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better woman. Wait for the man who praises God for you, and encourages you daily in your walk...and most importantly, wait for the man who is more in love with God than with you."

Amen!!! I could not have said it better myself! It's such an incredible thing once you find a guy that does all that & more! Ladies, just trust me when I say, it's worth the wait! Don't be like me & waste your time with losers that don't love the Lord or even love you enough to respect & honor your walk with Him by guarding your heart & watching their actions with you! The one that prays for you, feeds you Truth, praises God with you, respects you as a child of God, and encourages you daily in your walk with Him is worth waiting for! Don't be careless about who you spend time with because when you finally meet someone special, the one guy that does care about you more than any of the losers ever have, it will be extremely difficult to explain to them why you wasted your time with other guys besides him! Just think about the relationship you're in or the one you want to be in & ask yourself, "does he build me up as a sister in Christ & does he love God more than he loves me?" Maybe I'm alone in saying this, but all of those things are important to me & without a "yes" to a guy having all of those qualities, I'm not going to waste my time!

Hit me up with some thoughts or comments!