Good-bye Western

It's been a few months since I graduated & it still has not sunk in that I've graduated! I don't feel like I really said good-bye to anyone, I just kinda told myself that I'd see them later so there was no need to say good-bye, when in actuality, I may never see some of those people again. So I want to tell them now what I should have told them then.

To Katie Gibson, you were my best friend, my roomie, my sister, & my classmate! You helped me get through some really tough times in my life. You prayed for me when I saw no hope in sight. We spent hours upon hours together & I never got tired of you, that's a miracle in itself! For all the times you made me laugh & all the times you consoled me when I cried, thank you.
To Karlie Briggs, who woulda thought we'd end up being friends?! What started out as just classmates turned into a close friendship. You make me laugh! I will never forget how we discovered that we had a mutual friend, a connection that proves just how small of a world we live in! You helped me get through a really difficult & weird time in my life. Thank you for letting me be real & honest with you about my struggles & for understanding them & not judging me for them, you are amazing! You really should have a career in social work!
To Abby Palmer, you were my bestest buddy my last year at Western! Oh my gosh, how did we ever get through all those papers, projects, & presentations?!!! I will never forget the summer of 2007 & our special talks! We were both going through some major heartbreaks & we were so negative about love! hahaha! Look at us now! Thank you for giving me my sanity during those last 2 semesters! Your constant prayers & encouraging words helped me make it to graduation day! From now on until we're sixty, I'll call you whenever I need my therapist!!!
To Bethany Parsons, you are so sweet & absolutely hilarious! I have seen you grow so much in your walk with God that I feel like I'm gonna cry everytime I see you! I met you during the fall of 2005 during pledging & I never thought our friendship would be what it is today. You are so patient, so kind, & so loving...I pretty much want you in my life forever! Thank you for all the hugs & all the laughs! One day we'll live together like we've always wanted, even if it's in a nursing home! Oh & I really hope you have all the sisters in your wedding!
To Kimberly Roten, we met randomly! You always managed to talk some sense into me! Your country accent & laid back attitude kept me fascinated! I enjoyed the hours we spent in Hunter Library in the Fall of 2005, Spring 2006, studying the fun way! I will forever cherish all the laughs & talks we had during our lunch dates, study dates, & sleepovers!

Our First Vacation

So it's been a few days since we got back from Myrtle Beach & I'm still trying to catch up on sleep! Our vacation was not what we thought it was going to be. We wanted to relax on the beach & by the pool & go out to dinner some & sleep as late as we wanted. Well we did get to spend a good bit of time at the pool & in the jacuzzi, but everything else was not how we imagined it to be. We discovered on Monday night that we had some inconsiderate neighbors right above us. They were listening to some really loud rap music, wrestling people to the ground, & playing beer pong. The walls & floor of our room were so thin that we could hear their conversations & the ping pong ball hit the floor. We called down to the hotel's office & told them what was going on upstairs & we even stated that we no longer felt safe & would have to leave the hotel if this continued. The hotel sent 2 maintenance men up there to tell them to keep it down, but thirty minutes later they were still loud & keeping us awake so we called the police. Three nights in a row our sleep was interrupted by their spring break, week-long party. The funny part is we think they were NC State students because we saw people walking around the hotel during the day with State shirts on. Despite our few hours of sleep every night, we had enough energy to explore Myrtle Beach & do the things we set out to do that week. I think our favorite day would have to be either Sunday or Thursday. On Sunday we got up, took showers, walked on the beach collecting shells, & I can't remember what else we did that day, but it was a laid back day. On Thursday we got up at 6:15 & walked out on the beach to see the sun rise, then we went back to sleep, got up around 9, took showers, played 3 rounds of putt putt, walked on the beach, ate dinner at this awesome place called Sticky Fingers, went swimming, & watched some TV. Though our first vacation together was not perfect & was not everything we set out for it to be, we had a really great time! We both feel extremely close to one another & feel like our relationship is the best it's ever been because of the trip!

THE BEACH!!!

With less than 48 hours until I leave with Nick for Myrtle Beach, I can hardly contain my excitement!!! We are spending 6 days & 5 nights in wonderful, sunny Myrtle Beach! I have not been to the beach since...gosh since....the summer of 2004!!! We have talked a little bit about what we plan on doing down there, but no real plans have been made yet. Oh we do know that 1 morning we're going to get up real early & watch the sunrise on the beach!! We're also going to have a picnic lunch on the beach & toss a frisbee around! There's an indoor pool & jacuzzi so we're sure to spend sometime enjoying that too! I can't help but find humor in the fact that Nick & I are huge planners, we can't function any other way, but when it comes to going on vacation, we both insist on not having a plan! The point of our 6 day trip is to relax & enjoy spending time together, not to see all the sights or spend tons of money shopping! I've been looking forward to this trip for about a month now & now that it's almost here, I can hardly believe it! I will definitely report back on how the trip went.

I got the kind of guy I wanted!

I was looking over my old blog postings & realized that everything on the list of "this kind of guy," Nick has, he is that guy! Nick walks me to my car, he believes in my dreams, he holds me when I'm sad, he frequently gives me his jacket when I'm cold, he loves cuddling, he tells me his secrets, and he holds my hand whenever I want.

How God brought Nick & I together is very simple, but interknit & amazing at the same time! I was 1 of those girls who always had a crush on a guy & was always chasing after them until March of 2007 when God made some changes in me! That February I made a horrible decision to restore an old friendship, that decision led to me down a road of darkness, shame, & depression. I was seeking comfort & "love" from the wrong kind of guy. This guy did not respect me & did not care about me, but I still wanted to be around him because I felt safe, I was protected from any harm. In March God brought me to a point where I was fed up with this guy & with myself so I decided that I deserved better, a better guy, so I made a list of everything I wanted my husband to have. I realized that I had given my heart away too muh & too easily to the wrong guys so I made a ommittment with God to give Him my summer. I agreed to not pursue any guys that summer & I asked God to not let me like any guys & to prepare me for my husband. During the summer God did a lot! There were nights where I stayed awake for hours battling with God, asking Him to take away any feelings, any memories, and any thoughts of guys that would not matter in my future. For the first time in my life, I started to think about my husband & not just here & there, but I thought about him everyday! God made me thankful for every guy in my past & gave me peace about every situation I had been through. Also during this time, I was hanging out with Nick. We had seen each other around church & knew a little bit about each other, but we weren't good friends. That summer we hung out quite a bit & just enjoyed each other's company as brothers & sisters in Christ. I never once looked at Nick as anything more than a friend & I didn't even analyze how he acted around me.

It wasn't until the night before I was to leave the next morning for my last semester at Western that I thought, "I'm gonna miss Nick" & I remember thinking, "I only feel that way because we spent some much time together this summer, I'll be fine." Well I spent the next day trying to figure out where I was going to live that semester & as I was driving up Black Mountain, listening to my Rascal Flatts, "Feels Like Today" CD, when it hit me like a ton of bricks, I yelled out, "CRAP I LIKE HIM!!!" We spent about a month sharing our thoughts about dating each other & about 2 weeks in prayer before we started dating on September 16th, 2007! I never once thought God would give me such an awesome love story to tell & I don't know why I ever thought that, because God is so powerful & amazing that He can turn water into wine!

Going through this experience there are so many things that I walked away being thankful for: 1) God's love for me. While I was a dead in sin, He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me so that I might live & have eternal life with Christ., 2) God restoring my heart, 3) God allowing me not to like Nick until the time was right & with that, God gave me the right intentions for wanting to spend time with Nick., and 4) God being my strength during temptations when I was at my weakest & thought there was no way out. I still remind myself of these things on a regular basis & I can never give God enough for them! I can only give God all the praise & glory for it all!

What you don't wanna hear

The transition from life at Western to life in Raleigh has been tremendously hard to say the least! When I thought about graduating & moving back home I imagined getting close to my family again, making my relationship with Nick stronger, working 5 days a week & loving it, and finally making the church I grew up in, home again. None of these things have happened, actually when I'm really honest with myself & with you, all of these things have gotten worse. My life these days includes arguements & fights with Nick, getting annoyed & frustrated with my mom, not working or even getting a call back from sending in my resume, and feeling alone & a stranger at church, the only church I've ever known.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all of it is way out of my hands, like there's nothing I myself can do to fix any of it! Sometimes I wonder if I should look for a job outside of North Carolina so that way I could be just me & not worry about anyone else saying I'm a bother. Not even going that extreme, I think about looking for a new church in Raleigh. I also wonder if I should look at going to grad school at USC instead of trying to stay close by. I feel like it doesn't matter anymore if I stay in Raleigh or not because what I was staying for isn't what I thought it was going to be.

I've always been scared of change, but this change, starting a new chapter of my life (as most graduation cards put it) I wasn't scared of & maybe I should have been. If I'm really honest with myself, graduation day wasn't all I thought it was going to be, it felt like just another day to me, but with flowers. At the time, I was only happy because graduation meant no longer having to be 5 hours away from the ones I love.

Post Graduation

Ok so I admit I'm not the best at keeping my blogs up-to-date! A whole lot has happened since my last blog in October! I finished my internship at ABCCM on December 7th. It was really hard for me to say goodbye to the residents & especially hard for me to leave my co-workers who I had spent time getting to know outside of the office. I still think about some of the residents on a daily basis. It breaks my heart to know that some of them feel so hopeless & depressed because they can't find a place that will hire them or a landlord that will accept their past or their Section 8 papers. I learned so much during my time at ABCCM! I can't even begin to list everything I took away from having work with over 29 homeless women! I would tell anyone & everyone to volunteer at a homeless shelter because you will walk away with such a grateful heart & a new perspective on life.

I graduated from Western on December 15th! It was such an unforgetable day! It was so amazing to look up in the stands & see my family waving at me, taking pitures, and smiling at me! I loved every second of my graduation! As soon as I walked off the stage & realized I had my diploma in my hand, I thought, "man it was all worth it! this moment means everything!" After the ceremony & all the pictures & all the celebrations, my parents, Nick, & I stayed the night at a hotel in Maggie Valley. I would have to say that that night was my favorite thing out of everything from graduation weekend! I can't really explain why except to say that it was a laid back, quiet, & intimate night since it was just the 4 of us! The next morning when we woke up in Maggie Valley, it was snowing outside! Having Nick there during my whole graduation weekend & being there the day after graduation, miles away from home, I realize that the rest of my life had started! I cannot explain the peace & calming feeling I had that morning, I can just tell you that Nick is who I will have in my life for every new journey I go on!

Since graduation I have come home & moved back in with my parents. I have been busy hanging out with Nick & applying for jobs! I have been a litte discouraged by the amount of social work jobs hiring in Raleigh. I plan on working full-time until I go to grad school in August of 2009! I'm not too worried about my future & what jobs I'll have because I know that God knows exactly what He's doing with my life & it's gonna be awesome when it all pieces together!

my life these days

So my last semester at Western is definitely not what I want it to be. All social work majors have to complete 448 hours of interning at an agency of their choice during their last semester in order to graduate. Well I put in about 29 to 32 hours a week of interning in Asheville & it is taking a toll on me - physically & mentally. Don't get me wrong, I love working at ABCCM - the residents are great & I have a real passion for helping them achieve their goals & I even love all my co-workers - we get along great & we're friends outside of the office, but I am tired! Since I comute 45 minutes to & from work 4 days a week & then work 7-9 hours a day, I feel like I never get any time to myself or spend any time with my friends at school. Thankfully I do have some sort of life because I have my incredible boyfriend! Nick & I have been dating since September 16th & so far, it has been so amazing! I feel extremely blessed to have a boyfriend that is so on fire for God that he serves other people all the time, prays for me all the time, respects me all the time, and knows how to show love & does it! Nick is coming up to Western tomorrow for the weekend & I am so excited & eager with anticipation! We always have a great time together & every moment is unforgettable! I know that this weekend will be a great time for me to breathe from having a busy week & just for once do what I wanna do!