Time Well-Wasted?!

I recently sent my resume to a place in Raleigh called Therapeutic Connections, Inc. I got a call back from them in the days that followed & I agreed to come to an info session/job orientation. At the orientation they told us more about the position we had applied for and what would be expected of us. The position requires being available for 8 to 12 hours a week to mentor to children who have behavioral or emotional issues. The position would start out being part-time & could turn into full-time if I choose to take on more clients. During the info session, I felt extremely comfortable with the material & what would be expected of me. I feel pretty confident in my education at Western & my experience with children & my ability to perform well in this position. After going to the info session I have to get some paperwork filled out & attend some trainings before I can officially start the job & receive my first client. So I believe I am well on my way to starting my first job post college!

On to other things. God is doing a lot in my heart & in my mind lately. This week I have spent time talking with Him & just asking for Him to renew my hope & happiness in Him, rather than finding those things in Nick or in worldly things. I don't want to be one of those girls who put everything they have into their boyfriend, like their hope, happiness, faith, and will to live! I wouldn't say that I've been close to doing that, however I do wanna keep that in check. I don't wanna find my identity in my relationship, I'm not just someone's girlfriend, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, and I'm a child of God. Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel good when Nick tells me I'm amazing or I'm beautiful, it's normal to feel that way or even want to hear those things, but it's another thing to let those things consume you. I love that Nick loves me, but it's never going to amount to the love that God has for me. There's nothing that any man can say to me that will make me feel as good as hearing God say, "well done, my good & faithful servant." There are going to be times when the love of my life lets me down & there will be times when I let him down, but if we're both relying on God to fulfill our hopes & our dreams, then we'll never be let down! Not only has God revealed all these things to be, He has also reminded me that He delights in us coming to Him for anything & everything we need! How could I not run to Him?!

Unspeakable Truth

Lord, You know my heart better than even I know it. You made me for Your glory and pleasure. Your goodness and love is billions of times better than the greatest love my mind can comprehend. Your plans for me are perfect. Your love for me is perfect. There is nothing I can do to make You love me more, and nothing I can do to make You love me less. Grant me the grace to make You my deepest passion, the strongest desire in my life. Make my heart like Your heart. As You transform me more and more into the image of Christ, prepare my heart for the seasons and relationships You have planned for me. Prepare my heart to receive a spouse that together, we would bring You the greatest glory and pleasure, for that is my life's goal. You know exactly who that would be for me. I yield myself to Your unspeakable wisdom over my life. Amen.

Nick sent me this on August 15, 2007...long before we ever talked about liking each other & the possibility of dating. It was a prayer he found in a devotional & thought of me. When he sent it to me I didn't think much of it, other than thinking it sounded exactly like prayers I had lifted up, now this prayer just makes me cry. Tell me what you think about it.

I heart summer!

So I'm over the whole job thing so I'm not gonna write blogs about it anymore. On to more exciting things, summer is here! It was 85 degrees yesterday!!! I love the summer, it's my favorite season! This summer is gonna be way different than last summer, fo sure! A year ago I was up at Western all summer taking 2 classes & 1 independent study. I was subleasing an apartment at University Suites (--crappy student apartments, by the way). I had a pretty challenging summer. For one thing, I was up at Dullowhee in the summer...yeah. I had no job which meant no income so I had rent & electricity to pay for 3 months with no money! Besides these 2 things, I was being challenged spiritually. I was carrying out my promise to God to remain single for the summer & just focus on Him. God was restoring my heart & preparing me to meet my husband. It was a really difficult time in my life. I would cry for hours about my past & how easily I had given my heart away. All this to say that this summer I don't have to worry about any of that! I just have to find a job! I'm really looking forward to being abe to experience summer things with Nick! I wanna eat watermelon with him, pick strawberries together, go on picnics, watch the fireworks on July 4th...& many more summer things!

Who woulda thought?!!

So I'm gonna break my rule & post 2 blogs in one day....don't get use to it though! This week I have developed a really bad sleeping schedule. I think it started when I drank some caffeine around 9 o'clock on Monday night & wasn't sleepy until about 1:30 in the mornin! So everyday this week I have gone to bed at 2 & gotten up at 10! Well last night...or this morning rather, I decided to log into my Xanga account. About a month ago my best friend, Stephanie called to tell me she had Googled her name & 1 of the links was to my Xanga site. Well I had actually totally forgotten I ever had a xanga site. Anywho that's a looong story to say that even I am surprised to be with Nick Turner!!! I'll tell you why.

For those of you who don't know, Nick & I met through our college group at our church in Raleigh. Nick remembers meeting me during our freshman year one Sunday, while I remember meeting him on our mission trip to Atlanta our sophomore year (picture to follow at the bottom of the page)! It was during our van ride back to Raleigh from Atlanta that I passed around a sheet of paper for people to write down their screen names so I could keep in touch with them. Well up until last night I thought Nick & I only kept in touch through occasional emails & instant messager. I read through my blogs on Xanga last night & discovered that Nick had read every single 1 of them...he even left comments on a lot of them!!! I had so much fun sitting in my bed at 2 in the morning reading some guy, (my now boyfriend & love of my life) leaving comments about struggles I was having! Here's just 1 of the comments Nick left me back in 2006: "As a guy that grew up with a sister two years younger than me and as a guy in a relationship, I say the following. 1) Girls are for the most part right about guys being jerks. 2) Friends will come and go. If they are true friends, they will stay in touch with you. 3) Girls are just as confusing to figure out. 4) Stop worrying about others and worry about God's Will for everything in your life. 5) Enjoy the friends that accept you for who you are and those that you cand do absolutely nothing with and it be meaningful. 6) Go on with life, life doesn't end until your heart stops beating. 7) When one friendship ends, another is about to start." That is so freakin funny to me!!!! I cannot believe the WHOLE time I was in college, Nick was right in front of my face & I never liked him! So Nick, I know you're reading this so please share your thoughts!

Flippin is my favorite word when I'm mad!

I am SO tired of the whole job search thing!!! At first it was kinda fun because I would find all kinds of jobs & it made me think I had tons of possibilities of things I could do, but now, I'm so sick of it! Right after I graduated & started looking for jobs, reality set in that 9 out of 10 jobs in the social work field require that you have your masters degree so I just applied for administrative, office type jobs. Well that never went anywhere! Well then I thought, maybe I should stick with what I have experience in, which is working at summer camps so I applied for a few of those positions. When I applied for camp counselor positions I got 2 call backs that both resulted in an interview. I didn't get either one of those jobs! At that point I really started to get down because I thought, "man if I can't even get a job working for a summer camp when I have previous experience doing that, then what's wrong with me?!" So I believe it was around that time that Nick started to really notice me struggling & decided to help me by re-doing my resume! He didn't change the content, he just changed the format, & made it pretty! After that, I had 1 week where I had 3 interviews! I was super excited & hopeful that I was finally gonna get an offer from 1 of those agencies. Well that never happened. It's so funny to me that I take the time to apply online or fax my resume, write a cover letter, schedule an interview, go out to the agency to interview, & then NEVER hear anything back from them! It's so ridiculous! I just think that if I'm gonna spend all that time & they're gonna spend all that time then I should at least get a phone call, email, something saying "you got the job" or "no, you suck, we're going with someone else!" You know what I'm sayin?! I am so determined to get a job somehow related or linked to social work. I don't wanna work for McDonald's or Wal-Mart when I have a freakin college degree!!!! I just really don't see why I'm not getting a single call from administrative jobs I've applied for, I mean how hard is it to answer the phone, do some typing, and file paperwork??! C'mon any flippin college graduate can do any of that stuff!!! I just don't understand what it's gonna take for my job search to end!!! I keep asking myself questions like, what's wrong with me?, do I not have good people skills?, am I not interviewing well? Oh I get so frustrated when I look at job postings that say, 1 to 2 years experience required...how in the world am I suppose to get experience if all the jobs out there require you to have experience to even be looked at?!? Grrrr.....ok I'm done venting....for now at least!

40 Random Facts About ME

1. Do people ever mistake you for being a different race?
   no
2. How old were you when you moved out of your parents' house?
   I was 18 when I went to college 5 hours away from home & I lived on my own in the dorms. When I graduated in December, I returned home & have lived with my parents ever since. I didn't mind living with them in the beginning, but now they're really starting to get on my nerves, especially my mom! My mom has the best intentions & wants only the best for me, but gosh she is all up in my business & it gets annoying!
3. Who do you miss right now?
   I miss a lot of people. It sounds crazy, but I miss Nick right now! Here lately I want to spend all the time I can get with him! I love him sooo much! He is the best friend & greatest friend I will EVER have here on Earth! And these days I feel like I'm falling head over heels in love with him all over again. I also miss a lot of friends from Western, like I miss Katie Gibson, I miss Abby Palmer, I miss Bethany.
4. Are you drinking anything?
   nope
5. Do you like beer? If so, what one?
   I hate beer, but I like other drinks...
6. Do you have any weapons for personal protection?
   nope
7. Do you believe "Once a cheater, always a cheater"?
   Well it's hard to say. I tend to think yes more times than not, however I know that only certain situations cause someone to cheat once & then they never do it again or they change their ways. Like I said, more times than not, once a cheater, always a cheater is the case.
8. Have you ever ran away from home?
   no
9. Are you listening to music?
   nope
10. Do you take your daily vitamins?
    Iuse to when I was in college. I need to get back to doing that....
11. What color is your vehicle?
    gray
12. Where is your most ticklish spot?
    My stomach & my feet
13. Last thing you bought from Walgreens?
    I have no idea! I don't shop there too often. I probably got some candy or a card there.
14. How old are you parents?
    good question. My mom is about to be 48 & my dad is 56.
15. What did you last cook?
    I don't remember. I don't cook very often. Nick loves to cook & he's amazing at it so I just let him spoil me! I think the last thing I made was some oatmeal cookies for him about a week ago!
16. Do you have over 200 MySpace friends?
    no
17. Do you have a favorite number?
    umm not really. I kinda like the number 11.
18. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
    open
19. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
    no
20. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
    Out. I have to sleep always with 1 foot completely out of the covers while the rest of me is totally buddled up with the sheets tucked under my chin. I'm weird.
21. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
    hahah yeah! I was a senior in high school & my best friend, Jessica & I went around Raleigh taking some signs.
22. Do you have freckles?
    yeah, a few, just on my face & shoulders though.
23. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
    no
24. Have you ever peed in the woods?
    hahaha, I wouldn't say the woods. I peed on the Blue Ridge Parkway one time. It was late & it was foggy so no one could see me, otherwise I wouldn't have done it!
25. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
    no
26. What size is your bed?
    twin
27. Do you think it's ok for guys to wear pink?
    heck yeah! I love it when guys wear pink!
28. Do you still watch cartoons?
    sometimes
29. What do you drink with dinner?
    It depends on where I'm at & what I'm in the mood for. I usually order water when I'm eating out cause it's free. When I'm at home I usually drink something diet.
30. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
    Either honey mustard or barbecue sauce.
31. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
    Gosh there are so many! I could watch Big, Good Will Hunting, Office Space, Baby Boom, and Multiplicity till I'm blue in the face!
32. Have you seen the movie Powder?
    yes
33. Can you change the oil on a car?
    no. Nick has told me how to do it, but I haven't tried doing it.
34. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
    no
35. Ran out of gas?
    no
36. Can you curl your tongue?
    yes
37. Ever won a spelling bee?
    no
38. Ever been in love?
    yes
39. Ever won a contest?
    no
40. What type of woman/man do you like?
    I like a guy who is honest & faithful no matter what. I want someone who can make me laugh even when I've had the worst day. I have to be able to share things with him, whether it's my opinion or my food! He has to be someone who can easily communicate with me & someone who can feel like he can be himself around me. I love a guy who has dreams & goals and desires to be successful in life. I need to be able to trust him in every way and with anything! I need someone who can make me feel safe & protected. There are so many more things I could list, but all I need to tell you is, I have found all these qualities in Nick & I can't wait to spend the rest of my life looking at his face!!!!

How long do I have to wait?

My life is becoming more difficult & I'm even more frustrated than ever before! Since graduation I have had about 6 interviews with 6 different agencies. From the 6 interviews I have only gotten 1 rejection letter in the mail. I have continued to apply for jobs every week & I still have not received any job offers. I still feel limited in my choices of applying for jobs since I don't have my own car. I am also still very frustrated at the amount of jobs that are available in this area that I meet the job requirements for. I'm beginning to think that I will not get a job in my field until I get my masters degree. It upsets me when I look at all my friends who just graduated in December or last week & they all have jobs! I would love to get the job with Disabilities Determination Services because I could continue to learn about mental illnesses and physical disabilities while still helping people receive the financial means they need to sustain living. I cannot believe I still don't have a job, it's ridiculous! To have a college degree & have no job, it just doesn't make any sense!

Changing subjects, Nick graduated on May 10th! The weekend before his graduation, we moved him into his new apartment in Morrisville. During the week before his graduation I helped him unpack, get the furniture he needed, and settle into his new place. One day I surprised him by taking him to Bond Community Park in Cary & we had a nice picnic lunch in the shade. His graduation was wonderful! I was so excited when the day finally came that I about knocked Nick over when I ran up to him right after the ceremony was over! I felt so happy & proud of him that day that I was extremely exhausted by the end of the day! I thank God for allowing me to be a part of this very big, exciting chapter in Nick's life! I will never forget the hard work Nick put into his last semester of college nor the excitement I felt on his graduation day! I'm even more excited for him about the opportunities & experiences he's gonna have at his new job at Sony Ericsson! I feel so blessed to be with someone who knows how to work hard & reach his dreams no matter what it takes!