I'm Back and with Bling!!!!

Ok it's been over a year since my last blog! I wasn't motivated to keep my blog alive because I only had 2 faithful readers, but now I think my life is more interesting and exciting enough that I'll get more readers.

Ok so maybe my life is not interesting, but it's definitely an exciting time in my life! I'm engaged! :) I've been engaged for about 3 months now..wow time has flown by, it's really been almost 3 months! I'm really enjoying engaged life. I don't understand what all the stress is about with being engaged, I think it's fun & stress-free! I really mean that. Granted I may feel this way because most of the wedding planning has already been done. I'll go ahead and let you in on my little secret, I started planning our wedding before he ever proposed! And when I say planning, I mean I already had our wedding organizer notebook, had our colors picked out, researched honeymoon spots, and had browsed for wedding gowns over the Internet. Now that we're engaged, I've bought my wedding dress, we've booked the church, booked our wedding photographer, made our guest list, ordered our invitations, booked our honeymoon, had our engagement pictures taken, applied for our passports, picked out our wedding favors, and browsed for bridesmaid dresses. That may sound like a lot when you read it, but I wouldn't say that we've been busy with wedding planning. This may have to do with the fact that I only work 20 hours a week. On my off days I've been able to compare prices, run errands, and prioritize things left on our list. I think couples just become stressed when they aren't organized, can't prioritize, can't afford what they're buying, or can't get along with their future in-laws. So far, knock on wood, we haven't experienced any of that. I'd have to say the greatest part about being engaged is each day looking at the countdown to your wedding day go down! There's such joy and satisfaction knowing that in X number of days we'll be getting married! The end result is what will make all the planning worth it.

Now that I've made all the single people, depressed, I'll change the subject. I've started working out. I've only gone to the gym once, however, I have a routine in my head that I believe will work. I plan on going to the gym with my fiance every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday after dinner for about 30 minutes. I think if we do cardio for 30 minutes, 3 days a week then we'll feel better about ourselves. I can't work out by myself because I need the encouragement and accountability so I'm hoping that this plan will stick. Why is it so hard to stick with something when there's not an immediate pay off? I think I just answered that question. Never mind.

I'd like to start a trend at the end of every blog. Here goes.

Today's High - getting to write on my facebook status: "Melanie is drinking naked at work! TGIF for me!"

Today's Low - being hot at work. So hot that I wish I could be naked at work.

Friday the Thirteenth!

It's been almost a month since my last post & it's hard to believe it's been that long! My big news is...I GOT A JOB!!!! On Friday, June 13th I got a call from someone with Temporary Solutions & they offered me a job! For those of you who don't know, Temporary Solutions is the state of North Carolina's government temp agency. So now I am an Office Assistant III for the Department of Health and Human Services, Division of Public Health. That basically means I make copies, send faxes, answer phones, send emails, and distribute mail. I just started my 4th week of work & the job is starting to get on my nerves! It's not the work that's the problem, it's the people, just some people at the office can be annoying & difficult at times! I'm smart enough to know that in every job there's going to be people that get on my nerves because life's that way! There's always going to be that select few that test your patience more than others. I'm not sure how long I'll have this job though because they've already started interviewing people to fill my position so it could be a few weeks or a few months until they have someone take my place. There have been some wonderful things that have come out of me having a job. For example, I actually have confidence now! I'd say for about 3 months after I graduated I was depressed & felt worthless, I even started losing hope that I would ever get a job, now that's all changed! Now I feel like I'm actually living & moving closer to achieving my dreams. Another great thing is now that I'm working, Nick has time to miss me & since we're both working, we sympathize with one another when one of us has had a rough day or is just plain tired from a long day. I'll admit, before I told myself I knew how Nick was feeling & could understand why he was exhausted at the end of the day, but now I experience it myself so I definitely understand it now! There are days when I come home from work & I don't wanna talk to anyone, I just wanna surf the Internet & relax! So that's the big news. Nothing else real big or exciting has happened.

Time Well-Wasted?!

I recently sent my resume to a place in Raleigh called Therapeutic Connections, Inc. I got a call back from them in the days that followed & I agreed to come to an info session/job orientation. At the orientation they told us more about the position we had applied for and what would be expected of us. The position requires being available for 8 to 12 hours a week to mentor to children who have behavioral or emotional issues. The position would start out being part-time & could turn into full-time if I choose to take on more clients. During the info session, I felt extremely comfortable with the material & what would be expected of me. I feel pretty confident in my education at Western & my experience with children & my ability to perform well in this position. After going to the info session I have to get some paperwork filled out & attend some trainings before I can officially start the job & receive my first client. So I believe I am well on my way to starting my first job post college!

On to other things. God is doing a lot in my heart & in my mind lately. This week I have spent time talking with Him & just asking for Him to renew my hope & happiness in Him, rather than finding those things in Nick or in worldly things. I don't want to be one of those girls who put everything they have into their boyfriend, like their hope, happiness, faith, and will to live! I wouldn't say that I've been close to doing that, however I do wanna keep that in check. I don't wanna find my identity in my relationship, I'm not just someone's girlfriend, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a friend, and I'm a child of God. Don't get me wrong, it makes me feel good when Nick tells me I'm amazing or I'm beautiful, it's normal to feel that way or even want to hear those things, but it's another thing to let those things consume you. I love that Nick loves me, but it's never going to amount to the love that God has for me. There's nothing that any man can say to me that will make me feel as good as hearing God say, "well done, my good & faithful servant." There are going to be times when the love of my life lets me down & there will be times when I let him down, but if we're both relying on God to fulfill our hopes & our dreams, then we'll never be let down! Not only has God revealed all these things to be, He has also reminded me that He delights in us coming to Him for anything & everything we need! How could I not run to Him?!

Unspeakable Truth

Lord, You know my heart better than even I know it. You made me for Your glory and pleasure. Your goodness and love is billions of times better than the greatest love my mind can comprehend. Your plans for me are perfect. Your love for me is perfect. There is nothing I can do to make You love me more, and nothing I can do to make You love me less. Grant me the grace to make You my deepest passion, the strongest desire in my life. Make my heart like Your heart. As You transform me more and more into the image of Christ, prepare my heart for the seasons and relationships You have planned for me. Prepare my heart to receive a spouse that together, we would bring You the greatest glory and pleasure, for that is my life's goal. You know exactly who that would be for me. I yield myself to Your unspeakable wisdom over my life. Amen.

Nick sent me this on August 15, 2007...long before we ever talked about liking each other & the possibility of dating. It was a prayer he found in a devotional & thought of me. When he sent it to me I didn't think much of it, other than thinking it sounded exactly like prayers I had lifted up, now this prayer just makes me cry. Tell me what you think about it.

I heart summer!

So I'm over the whole job thing so I'm not gonna write blogs about it anymore. On to more exciting things, summer is here! It was 85 degrees yesterday!!! I love the summer, it's my favorite season! This summer is gonna be way different than last summer, fo sure! A year ago I was up at Western all summer taking 2 classes & 1 independent study. I was subleasing an apartment at University Suites (--crappy student apartments, by the way). I had a pretty challenging summer. For one thing, I was up at Dullowhee in the summer...yeah. I had no job which meant no income so I had rent & electricity to pay for 3 months with no money! Besides these 2 things, I was being challenged spiritually. I was carrying out my promise to God to remain single for the summer & just focus on Him. God was restoring my heart & preparing me to meet my husband. It was a really difficult time in my life. I would cry for hours about my past & how easily I had given my heart away. All this to say that this summer I don't have to worry about any of that! I just have to find a job! I'm really looking forward to being abe to experience summer things with Nick! I wanna eat watermelon with him, pick strawberries together, go on picnics, watch the fireworks on July 4th...& many more summer things!

Who woulda thought?!!

So I'm gonna break my rule & post 2 blogs in one day....don't get use to it though! This week I have developed a really bad sleeping schedule. I think it started when I drank some caffeine around 9 o'clock on Monday night & wasn't sleepy until about 1:30 in the mornin! So everyday this week I have gone to bed at 2 & gotten up at 10! Well last night...or this morning rather, I decided to log into my Xanga account. About a month ago my best friend, Stephanie called to tell me she had Googled her name & 1 of the links was to my Xanga site. Well I had actually totally forgotten I ever had a xanga site. Anywho that's a looong story to say that even I am surprised to be with Nick Turner!!! I'll tell you why.

For those of you who don't know, Nick & I met through our college group at our church in Raleigh. Nick remembers meeting me during our freshman year one Sunday, while I remember meeting him on our mission trip to Atlanta our sophomore year (picture to follow at the bottom of the page)! It was during our van ride back to Raleigh from Atlanta that I passed around a sheet of paper for people to write down their screen names so I could keep in touch with them. Well up until last night I thought Nick & I only kept in touch through occasional emails & instant messager. I read through my blogs on Xanga last night & discovered that Nick had read every single 1 of them...he even left comments on a lot of them!!! I had so much fun sitting in my bed at 2 in the morning reading some guy, (my now boyfriend & love of my life) leaving comments about struggles I was having! Here's just 1 of the comments Nick left me back in 2006: "As a guy that grew up with a sister two years younger than me and as a guy in a relationship, I say the following. 1) Girls are for the most part right about guys being jerks. 2) Friends will come and go. If they are true friends, they will stay in touch with you. 3) Girls are just as confusing to figure out. 4) Stop worrying about others and worry about God's Will for everything in your life. 5) Enjoy the friends that accept you for who you are and those that you cand do absolutely nothing with and it be meaningful. 6) Go on with life, life doesn't end until your heart stops beating. 7) When one friendship ends, another is about to start." That is so freakin funny to me!!!! I cannot believe the WHOLE time I was in college, Nick was right in front of my face & I never liked him! So Nick, I know you're reading this so please share your thoughts!

Flippin is my favorite word when I'm mad!

I am SO tired of the whole job search thing!!! At first it was kinda fun because I would find all kinds of jobs & it made me think I had tons of possibilities of things I could do, but now, I'm so sick of it! Right after I graduated & started looking for jobs, reality set in that 9 out of 10 jobs in the social work field require that you have your masters degree so I just applied for administrative, office type jobs. Well that never went anywhere! Well then I thought, maybe I should stick with what I have experience in, which is working at summer camps so I applied for a few of those positions. When I applied for camp counselor positions I got 2 call backs that both resulted in an interview. I didn't get either one of those jobs! At that point I really started to get down because I thought, "man if I can't even get a job working for a summer camp when I have previous experience doing that, then what's wrong with me?!" So I believe it was around that time that Nick started to really notice me struggling & decided to help me by re-doing my resume! He didn't change the content, he just changed the format, & made it pretty! After that, I had 1 week where I had 3 interviews! I was super excited & hopeful that I was finally gonna get an offer from 1 of those agencies. Well that never happened. It's so funny to me that I take the time to apply online or fax my resume, write a cover letter, schedule an interview, go out to the agency to interview, & then NEVER hear anything back from them! It's so ridiculous! I just think that if I'm gonna spend all that time & they're gonna spend all that time then I should at least get a phone call, email, something saying "you got the job" or "no, you suck, we're going with someone else!" You know what I'm sayin?! I am so determined to get a job somehow related or linked to social work. I don't wanna work for McDonald's or Wal-Mart when I have a freakin college degree!!!! I just really don't see why I'm not getting a single call from administrative jobs I've applied for, I mean how hard is it to answer the phone, do some typing, and file paperwork??! C'mon any flippin college graduate can do any of that stuff!!! I just don't understand what it's gonna take for my job search to end!!! I keep asking myself questions like, what's wrong with me?, do I not have good people skills?, am I not interviewing well? Oh I get so frustrated when I look at job postings that say, 1 to 2 years experience required...how in the world am I suppose to get experience if all the jobs out there require you to have experience to even be looked at?!? Grrrr.....ok I'm done venting....for now at least!